Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A big list of "I wants"

... which I can't have right now.  They take work, and I want to work on them right now, but I can't because I have to go to sleep as soon as I finish.

I want to run a 100 miler.
I want to run more barefoot (well... in my five fingers)
I want to spend more time on my bike, and feel safe when I'm doing it.
I want to feel natural in the water, and not panic and hyperventilate.
I want to run 100 miles per week and think it's natural and no big deal.
I want to feel carved out of wood, rather than feel as soft as a wad of cookie dough.
I want to spend a night running circles of Pontiac, just for fun.
I want to have a great workout tomorrow.
I want to run sub 3:30 at Martian.
I want to run just below an 8:00 minute pace for the first 20 miles.
I want to hit mile 20 feeling great, and at the time of 2:37 minutes (7:50-7:53 pace)
I want to run the final 10K in 48 minutes. (7:45 pace)

Pretty shallow wants, I know.  I guess I could want those with power to use it for the good of those who have none, but that's wishful thinking.  I could want for the courage to act on the basis of my convictions and for the good of those around me, whatever good means.  I could even want the best for those whom I don't like, whose personality and problems have caused pain for me and those I care about.

But no- I want these things because I can run with them; because they're measurable and finite and possibly only just beyond my reach.  Sure, I'd love to have a PR at Martian (sub 3:32) but really I'd be happy if I ran a smart race and did all the right moves to have fun running in the future.  A stupid race would be going out to fast and screwing up the rest of the race.  Or fighting an injury and losing and not being able to run for weeks or months.  Or eating something strange and getting GI distress which keeps me from enjoying the whole experience.

This above all: I want to run a smart race.  I want to have a good time, I want to put my body through the ringer, and I want to leave it all out on the road.  But I want to finish satisfied, pleased with both myself and the training which I put myself through.

But then, no one ever knows what race day will bring, right?  I'm happy with my training.  The race is merely the icing on the cake.

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